I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
