i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
