I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
