Only a mothe r could love this liver
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
