so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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