At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is wine microwaveable?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
