I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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