So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
