cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
