i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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