i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
