I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
