apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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