the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
