2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
