is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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