Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
