Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
