first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
