Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
