We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
