the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
