...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
MIDGETS
????
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
