My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
