you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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