god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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