When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
and eventually we just all took our pants off
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
