my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
