I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
