mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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