I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I would fuck him just for his dog
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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