Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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