Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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