My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
