i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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