Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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