And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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