Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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