My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
