His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
