Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
