This is not my ceiling
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
