Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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