Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize