You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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