what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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