I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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