Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can I color on your dick again?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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