It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
