i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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