I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
