Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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