I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
