Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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