u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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