found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize