thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
