I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
