my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
