dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
