i would punch a child for taco bell
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
