His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
