david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
