i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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