so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
