Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
