I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
