Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize