his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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