smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
