i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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