i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
