Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
