I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
