Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
